


your Smile, my Ghost

by GilgaNyan (NarryEm)



Series: 1989 Inspired songfics [11]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Boys Kissing, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-28
Updated: 2016-08-28
Packaged: 2018-08-11 12:38:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,489
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7892587
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NarryEm/pseuds/GilgaNyan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kageyama hates complications.  All he wants to do is play volleyball and live his normal high school life.  When he comes across a vibrant boy by the name Hinata, his life turns upside down.  But what he doesn’t know is that Hinata hides a big secret, one that could change it all.</p>
            </blockquote>





	your Smile, my Ghost

**Author's Note:**

> Title from “This Love” by Taylor Swift.
> 
> I had this story planned for this song for almost two years and now it has finally gone to KageHina. I considered doing a YuuMika Dimension W AU with this but I decided to go with my original idea.

Kageyama is the last to leave the gym as he insisted on practicing his jump serves for an extra hour.  After mopping up the floor and making sure everything is tidy and ordered in the equipment room, he locks up the gym using the key that his captain has entrusted him with.

On the way to his house, he takes a small detour to the park.  His mom won’t be home until much later and since he has had a meat bun, he supposes he can hang out at the park’s volleyball court and do some self-rallies.

He is about to spike the ball over the net as practice when a boy pops into his view.

“Hi!” the orange-haired boy greets brightly.  “I’ve seen you walk past the park a few times.  Do you go to Karasuno?”

Kageyama nods.  Who the fuck is this guy?  Why is he acting all friendly?

“You play volleyball?  Mind if I join you?”

Kageyama eyes up the boy.  He’s short and doesn’t look the athletic type at all.

“If you can receive my serve, I’ll consider it.”

The boy grins.  “Gotcha.”

Kageyama waits until the boy is in position to do his jump serve.  To his surprise, the other boy receives it, if barely.

“I’m Hinata, by the way.  Hinata Shouyou.”

“Kageyama Tobio,” he replies.  “I guess we can play for a bit.”

He tosses the ball to Hinata and watches as the smaller boy spike it from a formidable height.  It gives him hope that if this guy were on his team, he might be able to spike his quick tosses.

“Do you go to Karasuno, too?” Kageyama asks in-between rallies.

“Ah, I used to go to a different high school,” Hinata relies.  He loses his rhythm and misses the next rally.

A dropout?  Hinata hardly seems like the type.  Whatever.  Kageyama doesn’t care whatever made Hinata dropout or something like that.

The sun has already set by the time Kageyama decides to go home.  In the dark of the night, Hinata looks like he is practically glowing.

“Going home already?” Hinata grins.

“It’s past nine.  I have morning practice tomorrow morning,” Kageyama grumbles.

“Will I see you again tomorrow around dinner time?”

Kageyama wants to say no but the sparkle in Hinata’s eyes won’t let him.  “Maybe.”

Hinata beams.  “See you tomorrow, Kageyama-kun!”

Kageyama turns around to pick up his bag.  “Hey, I didn’t say I’d come by for s—” When he looks back up, Hinata has already disappeared from his field of view.  He must be a fast runner, Kageyama tells himself.

Somehow, as he heads home, he finds himself looking forward to meeting Hinata again and playing together.   It’s Hinata’s bright sunny smile that comes into his mind when he closes his eyes to sleep.

 

 

-

 

 

“You’re in top condition today, Kageyama,” Sugawara-san praises.

“Thank you,” Kageyama replies automatically.  It’s true.  He has been able to set more of his pinpoint tosses to the spikers and even pulled some clever dumps during the practice games with the team. 

Tsukishima smirks.  “Maybe His Highness had a spectacular night.”  Yamaguchi chuckles with the middle blocker.

“Shut up, you asshole,” Kageyama rebuffs.  “I just met someone who could hit my quick tosses, that’s all.”

“Oya?” Tsukishima hums raising an eyebrow.  “So I wasn’t completely off.”

“If you two have time to gossip,” Daichi-san interrupts, pressing down on Tsukishima and Kageyama’s shoulders, “how about you go for a run around the gym ten times?”

“Sorry, Daichi-san,” Tsukishima apologises, “I was just commenting on the improvement in Kageyama’s mood.”

Kageyama shrugs.  “Beats me.”

Daichi glares at them but he doesn’t make good on his threat to make them run laps.  Kageyama counts that as a small win.

The rest of the day drags on.  He manages to fall asleep in classes on and off and the classical literature quiz from the other day comes back with a barely passing grade.  He could always ask Yachi-san for help but he wants to put that off until the midterms arrive.

After the second practice, he takes the same detour to the park.  Sure enough, he sees Hinata spinning a volleyball on the tip of his fingers.  He notes how the volleyball looks worn out and, well, old.  As if it was manufactured years ago.

“Kageyama-kun!” Hinata exclaims.  The way he comes bounding over to Kageyama reminds him of an overexcited puppy.  “Are we gonna play volleyball together again?”

“There’s no other reason for me to be here, dumbass.”

Hinata beams as though he didn’t hear the insult.  “Gimme a toss, Kageyama!”

“Warm up first.”

“I already did.  I won’t get hurt from a little rally, trust me.”

It’s just like yesterday.  They hardly talk, letting the volleyball do all of their communication instead.  Hinata is surprisingly athletic underneath his short, thin appearance.  He springs up like he is jumping on trampoline and his speed is something Kageyama hasn’t seen in anyone else.  His receives and serves could use a whole lot of practice but they aren’t playing an actual game, so Kageyama lets that slide for now.

“How come I haven’t seen you here before?” Kageyama asks as they break for water.

“I recently moved here,” Hinata answers.  Kageyama notices how Hinata tugs on the hem of his t-shirt, as if he is nervous.  He wonders if the other boy is lying about that particular fact.  It’s none of his business, really, as long Hinata will continue to show up and play volleyball with him.

“And you didn’t think to register at a high school?”

“I told you, I stopped going to school.  Personal reasons.”

Kageyama dumps the rest of the water over his face.  “Okay.  Let’s get back into it.”

“Yeah!”

 

 

-

 

 

Spring fades into the bright, hot days of summer and Kageyama is more than ready for the summer break.  He still has club practices so he won’t be vacationing with his family this summer.  It's not like he minds the fact. 

He is in the middle of his muscle training when someone knocks on the door.  He doesn’t bother pulling on a t-shirt before he runs down to answer it.

“Hey!” It’s Hinata, of course.  He is wearing a sleeveless top and jean shorts.  For a second, his eyes wander down to Kageyama’s bare torso and flick back up.

“Hi,” Kageyama greets back.  “How’d you know where I live?”

“I was jogging in the area when I saw your name out by the door.”

Right.  That was dumb of him to ask that.  If he has been seeing Hinata at the park, it’s natural that Hinata lives in the neighbourhood.  “Come in, then.”

“Are you alone right now?” Hinata asks, kicking off his shoes and walking inside.

“I have club practices so my parents went to visit their families without me.  They’ll be away for a week at most.”

“Ah, gotcha.”

Kageyama walks into the kitchen. “Want something to drink?”

“Anything’s fine.”

Kageyama takes out a carton of milk.  Hinata giggles.

“What’s funny?”

“It’s nothing.  I think I’ve seen you walk around with a small milk carton, that’s all.”

“I just like milk!” Kageyama defends.

“Wasn’t saying anything against it.” Hinata reaches for a glass and takes a gulp.  “Ah, that feels nice.”

“I can’t believe you went jogging in this heat,” Kageyama muses.

“It keeps my mind off things.  Speaking of, why are you half naked?”

Kageyama feels his cheeks heat up for no reason.  Why is he self-conscious about being half naked in front of another boy?  “I was working out before you got here.  It helps with volleyball to have muscles.”

“I’ll say,” Hinata mumbles.

“Did you say something?” Kageyama asks.

“Don’t worry about it.  I was thinking that we could either hang out or play volleyball together.”

“It’s too hot out so I’d rather stay indoor.”

“Good call.  Is there a show or something we can watch on the TV then?”

“We can watch the volleyball finals for men,” Kageyama suggests.  “I haven’t had the time to watch the Olympics so I recorded them for when I would be free.”

“Ah, I forgot that the Olympics were this year,” Hinata muses.  He settles into the sofa and pats the space next to him.  Kageyama goes to sit down next to Hinata.

Hours fly by as the watch the Olympics and then a totally cliché anime about a post-apocalyptic world with vampires and some kind of taboo magic.  Kageyama realises that it’s past sundown when his stomach growls.

“Would you like something to eat?” Kageyama offers.  “You can stay overnight if you’d like, too.”

Hinata shakes his head.   “I don’t have a cellphone and my mom is expecting me to be home.  Thanks for letting me stay for the day, Kageyama.”

It surprises Kageyama when Hinata half-jumps to envelope him into a hug.  Hinata’s body is quite cool and gives Kageyama the chills as their skin makes contact.

“I’ll see you around!” Hinata promises, dashing out of Kageyama’s house.  By the time Kageyama dashes out to yell a good bye, Hinata is nowhere to be seen.

 

 

-

 

 

Kageyama doesn’t see Hinata again until a couple days before the Obon Festival.  It could be Kageyama’s imaginations or Hinata could be lacking sleep but Hinata seems pale and reserved compared to his usual vibrant, energetic self.

“What have you been up to?” Kageyama asks, setting the ball to Hinata.

Hinata manages to take the ball with a shaky receive.  “Around.  I have been busy with some family stuff.”

“Yeah, I get that.  My mom was telling me about travelling to stay with her side of the family for Obon.”

“Right.  When are you leaving?”

“The day after tomorrow.” Kageyama catches the ball.  “Will you miss me?”

Hinata looks at the ground and it isn’t hard to tell that Hinata is hiding something.  “Of course I will.  You are my best volleyball buddy.”

"I'm just a volleyball buddy?" Kageyama remarks.

Hinata sticks his tongue out.  "I would have called you a friend but now I don't wanna."

“I’ll come back,” Kageyama assures him, although he doesn’t know why he is doing that, exactly. 

Hinata leaps into Kageyama’s arm, catching him off guard and sending them both tumbling down towards the ground.

“Thanks, Tobio,” Hinata murmurs, his face buried in Kageyama’s chest.  Hearing Hinata say his given name makes his heart skip a beat.  Why was that?

Kageyama puts his hand under Hinata’s chin and tilts it up.  Before he can understand what is happening, he is bringing Hinata’s face towards his until their lips touch.  Hinata’s lips, akin to the rest of his boy, is cool but soft.  His lips move in perfect rhythm against Kageyama’s and Hinata is the one to snake his tongue inside of Kageyama’s mouth, gently exploring the space before coaxing Kageyama’s tongue out.  They kiss and kiss and kiss until Kageyama’s head is spinning from the lack of oxygen and his hands are tangled up in Hinata’s soft, fluffy hair.

Hinata jerks back, pushing himself away from Kageyama.  “I need to go,” he mutters.

Kageyama grabs Hinata’s wrist.  “When will I see you next?”

 Hinata gives him a smile, the sweet sadness barely concealed by his cheeriness.  “Soon.  I promise we will see each other again.”

He kisses Kageyama on his forehead and then his palm before he runs off, disappearing from Kageyama’s sight in a flash.

And as Kageyama watches Hinata disappear, he feels a corner of his heart twinge with unmistakable pain.

 

 

-

 

 

Hinata’s ‘soon’ is not until Kageyama enters the second year of high school.  He has been named vice captain much to his surprise and Tanaka reassures him that it is thanks to his game play knowledge and undeniable talent.

“I’m still our team’s ace, so I don’t mind,” Tanaka comments.  “But I can’t help but notice that _you_ seem down.  Relationship troubles or are you pining after someone?”

Kageyama drops his gaze.  “There’s someone I met last year and I have not seen them for so long.  I’m worried that something bad has happened to them, I suppose.”

Tanaka claps (read: slaps him full-force) on the back. “Go visit them at their house!  Better yet, go prepared with a small gift.  Show them your gentler, caring side.  You know that girls love you for your looks; all you need to do is fix up that personality of yours.”

Kageyama smiles.  “Thank you, senpai.  I’ll heed your advice.”

The problem, of course, is that Kageyama doesn’t know where Hinata lives.  He has only met up with Hinata at the park save for that one time when Hinata showed up on his doorstep.  There was no way to find out where Hinata lived when the boy literally disappeared after every volleyball session.

Which is precisely why Kageyama nearly falls back flat on his ass when he sees Hinata perched on the swing at the park.  While he is surrounded by kids, none of them pays attention to the boy.

“Can we go someplace else?” Hinata asks.  Kageyama nods, letting Hinata lead him away deep into the forest.

“I lied,” Hinata lies as soon as they are as alone as they can be in the middle of a forest.  “When we first met, I didn’t tell you the whole truth.”

Kageyama frowns slightly.  Hinata pauses and inhales deeply.

“I’m dead, Kageyama.  I have been dead for over a decade.”

Kageyama feels his jaws slacken.  “But I can touch you!  We played volleyball together!”

Hinata laughs, the sound bitter and cold as he rings in the clearing.  “Why do you think that I only appeared when you are alone?  You were the first person who has been able to see me, hear me, and touch me since I died.  And don't ask me how that works!  I have been wandering this neighbourhood, lonely and going mad with the desire to talk to someone.  You already know that I used to play volleyball in high school.  I went to Karasuno and I played wing spiker.  We didn’t have a genius setter like you but we still scraped by and went on to play the nationals in my third year.  It seemed like we had the championship within our grasp.  Perhaps we could have won if it had not been for that drunk drive who lost control of his truck and drove straight into the gym.  Back then, we didn’t have walls to protect the school.  Five of us were injured but I was the only one who went into a coma. 

“It was like having an out-of-body experience.  While the state of my body deteriorated, my spirit was untethered and free to explore as long as I stayed a certain distance from my body.  Karasuno lost spectacularly and I couldn’t help but think and convince myself that we could have only if I were fully alive and my team wasn’t devastated by the accident.  As you can see, that remorse kept me from being able to move on to whatever afterlife has for me.

“I had almost given up; I could feel that my spirit was one step away from transforming into an evil, malicious being.  That’s when I met you, Tobio.  I often hung out in places where there were volleyball facilities.  You could see me and talked back to me.  I was over the moon with joy.  I saw and felt hope for the first time in years.  We played volleyball and I saw that there was more to you than the detached, genius setter.  You cared about your team mates and about volleyball itself.  You love the sport as much as I do.

“Meeting someone who was able to fulfill my wishes of playing volleyball meant that I was getting closer and closer to moving on past this life.  That is why it took longer and longer for me to appear to you.  I did try to see you but after spending a day with you before Obon last year, you couldn’t see me anymore.  I screamed and tried to throw rocks at you but nothing worked.   I wasn’t able to manifest into a physical form until you unlocked your own feelings

“It’s cliché and cheesy as heck but love really is the answer.  I have been able to find a way to look past my tragedy because I met you, Tobio Kageyama.  I . . . I love you and it pains me to know that this love can’t come into fruition.”

“Bullshit,” Kageyama mutters.  “I don’t care that you are a fucking ghost.”  Kageyama reaches out and grips Hinata’s wrist.  It feels solid and real in his grasp.  However, at the same time, Hinata’s body is translucent, flickering as their bodies make contact.  ‘I fucking love you and I won’t let you walk out of my life a second time.”

“I don’t have a choice!” Hinata shouts.  The objects around them quake and for a brief moment, the ground itself seems to shake violently, winds howling in the distance.  “Ghosts can’t remain in the living world once our heart’s desires have been satisfied.  The only way for us to meet again is when I am reincarnated.  There is a slim chance that I might remember you so please let me go, Kageyama.”

“Like I said, I don’t care.  I refuse to let you go free with my own goddamn hands, Hinata.  I don’t want to wait for this love to come back to me.  You’re that important, Shouyou!”

Hinata smiles, tearing dotting down his cheeks.  Kageyama reaches for his face, only to see that over half of Hinata’s body has gone transparent.  What is left behind is a shimmering, immaterial after-image.   “This is how it should be.  I died a long time ago and it’s a miracle that my spirit held on for so long while maintaining its sanity.  I’ve seen so many souls go berserk after a few years.

“Love isn’t meant to be perfect, Kageyama.  It’s meant to hurt and scar us at times.   I let my heart go in a high tide and it brought you in.  For that, I am grateful.  Even if it was for a brief time, I was reminded that love still exists.  When you’re young, it’s easy to run headlong without looking back at the consequences.  In the end we always come back to what we need and that’s love.  Please, in the years to come, look back at the short time we shared and know that it was genuine.  It burned bright and rapidly, just like youth.  Don’t be sad when I have burnt out.  Nothing is immortal when you think about it.”

“Fuck that.” Kageyama reaches out again.  This time, his fingers find purchase on Hinata’s shoulders and hold on.  “I don’t give a fuck if this love is good or bad.  Alive or dead, you are still the first and only person I have loved.  I’ll be damned if I surrender without a good fight.”

Hinata sniffles, blinking back his tears.  “It’s not fair.  You can't say things like that when I’m about to leave you.”

Kageyama pulls him in and kisses him.  This time, Hinata’s lips are warm like the summer sunrays, soft and melding into Kageyama’s.  He can taste the salt in Hinata’s tears as they trickle into Kageyama’s mouth.

“You have to let me go,” Hinata mumbles, burying his face in Kageyama’s neck.  “I have overstayed my welcome in this world.  No one wants a poltergeist haunting them, trust me.”

“I don’t want to.  I can’t,” Kageyama insists.  “What kind of a man would I be if I let the person I love go like this?”

“A wise man who follows the way of life,” Hinata hiccoughs.  “Please let me go.  It hurts to stay and watch this unfold.  I promise that I’ll find you in my next life.”

Kageyama tilts Hinata’s head back, wiping away the tears.  “You will?”

“Swear on my soul.”  He kisses Kageyama on the lips, slow and burning Kageyama with the unspoken passion and tragedy.

“Okay.’

Kageyama steps back and releases light.  Hinata smiles one final time as warm white light swallows him up, blinding Kageyama.  When the light dissipates into nothing, all that is left of Hinata’s existence is a fresh ache in Kageyama’s heart.

He clenches his hands into fists.  He won’t let himself wallow in self-pity.  Hinata promised to find him again.  All that he can do is live his life to the fullest until they meet again.

There is no other way.

So his fights back his tears and sprints home.  He ignores his mother and locks himself in his bedroom.  The tears are unstoppable as he cries into his pillow.  Hinata is gone, he knows that.  But he isn’t gone forever.  It’s like taking a vacation, he tells himself.

He just has to live with the pain—with the broken pieces of his heart—until Hinata comes back.  That’s all.

He can do it.

(He hopes.)

**Author's Note:**

> I guess the title is a spoiler, haha. I’m sorry if you were expecting a happy ending but since 99% of KageHina fanfics are fluffy with rainbows and unicorns, I wanted to try something different. Besides, I prefer dark, angsty stuff to pure fluff.
> 
> I thought about tagging this _'tragedy'_ but that's an even bigger spoiler, so . . .


End file.
